Have I Told You Read online

  The ride to Beth’s was long, even though, it was only a short distance away. I wanted to be anywhere else, but in the situation I was in. What was I going to do now? Spring break would be starting, and I had no one to be with and no place to go.

  Terrance pulled up in front of a small apartment complex. My heart was breaking as I thought over all that has happened to me in the last few days. Had a boyfriend, lost a boyfriend, found a lover, lost a lover. What a mess. Now I only had Beth, if she would take me in. Looking up at the building in front of me I moved to step out of the car when Terrance appeared at the door.

  “Sabrina, may I walk you up to your friend’s door?”

  “No, thank you, Terrance. I will be okay. Was that Caston you were on the phone with on the way over?” I knew I shouldn’t ask questions I didn’t want answers to, but I was just gluten for punishment, I guess.

  “Yes, Ms. Bennett.”

  That was all he said to me. He handed me a bag that was worth more than the clothes I was wearing. I looked at him with a question showing on my face. “What’s this?”

  “Mr. Black made sure you had the things you needed in case this very thing transpired. He asked me to give them to you.”

  “Well, I can’t accept these.” I tried to hand the bag back to him, but his face told me if he was to come back with the bag he would be in trouble, so I pulled the bag to my chest to show him I was folding on this fight. His look of relief made me smile, just a bit.

  “Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms. Bennett, before I leave?” I just shook my head to answer his question. “Very well. It was very nice to meet you Sabrina, and I do hope we cross paths again soon.”

  I smiled, weakly, at him. I would like to know all he has seen coming in and out of Caston’s life. I bet he could write a book. I just added myself to that list and a new tear fell from my eye. I had to get inside before I lost it completely. “I’ll miss you, Terrance.”

  I walked around him and ran up to Beth’s door. Pounding on it, I prayed she was home. No one was answering, but I thought I heard noises coming from the inside, so I pounded again. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” I heard Beth yell from inside. I looked back over my shoulder, Terrance was still standing by the Jeep, even though I told him to leave. I’m sure that was Caston’s order, as well. I gave him a wave, and turned back around just as the door opened in front of me.

  Beth’s face was shocked to see me, but her smile quickly faded when she looked in my eyes. Quickly ushering me into the room before I broke down on her doorstep, she started the interrogations, “Bre, what’s wrong? Oh my God, please tell me he didn’t hurt you, again. Oh dear lord, honey.”

  I shook my head and sobbed, not able to talk to her at all. I struggled with Beth as she tried to remove the bag clutched to my chest. I slouched over it, smelling Caston. This only made me cry harder than I ever thought was possible. Beth being the friend that she always was just sat me down, helped me remove my shoes, and stroked my back and hair. She pulled me down over her lap and held me. “Well, I’m just glad you aren’t with Mark anymore. I hate you’re hurting, though.” I drifted off to sleep on Beth’s lap. I was so emotionally drained, I’m not sure how long I was out. Thankfully I didn’t dream of Caston, or Mark.

  When I started to wake up, I was sore from sleeping on the lumpy couch. I decided to lay still for a few more minutes. I heard Beth whispering into her phone. I struggled to hear her, while I remained still, so she wouldn’t see I was awake and end her call.

  “No, she is still asleep … I don’t think you should come over today … God, I’ve never seen her like this before, Broc. I’ve seen her messed up from Mark, but this is worse … No, I don’t think it is a good idea for Mark to come over to see her … Because he’s an asshole that’s why … I don’t care if he’s your friend or not … Broc, are you serious right now? … No I’m not joking. … He’s a manipulative, abusive asshole. I can’t believe you are defending him. … I think we need a break. We obviously don’t agree on this. You need to figure out your priorities. I’m done.”

  I closed my eyes to pretend I was still sleeping, so she wouldn’t know I was listening to her. She slammed the phone down on the table, and I heard her walk toward the kitchen. I waited until she was out of the room before I sat up. My bag was gone. What happened to it? I started frantically looking for it. I was almost flipping the couch over when Beth ran out because she heard the commotion. “Where is it?” I screamed.

  Shock flashed across Beth’s face. She has never seen me like this before. “What? Sabrina what the fuck!”

  “My bag, Beth. Where the hell did you put it? I need it!”

  “Oh my God, Sabrina, chill the fuck out! It’s in the spare room. What are you on? You have NEVER acted so crazy before!”

  I sat on the edge of the couch and ran my hands through my hair. I was breathing so hard I was afraid I was going to pass out. What is wrong with me? “I just need the bag. Hell, I don’t even know what’s in it.”

  “Seriously? You almost tore my living room apart for a bag that you know nothing about! You’re in need of mental help.” She laughed, and sat down next to me. She flung her arm over my back squeezing me to her side. I gave her a sideways glare. “Look, I’ll go get the bag, and we can go through it, okay? Are you sure you aren’t on anything? I won’t be mad if you are, just tell me.”

  “No, Beth, I’m not on anything. I feel like hell and my heart has been ripped out. My life is flipped upside down, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do, or where I’m going to live. I’m sure I’m kicked out of school, since I haven’t gone in over a week.” I hung my head again and busted into more tears. How could I have any left?

  “Honey, you can stay here as long as you want. You don’t even have to pay me rent. You know that. I’ve told you this before.” She hugged me, and popped up to go down the hall to retrieve my bag.

  Breathe, Sabrina. I’m sure it is just clothes in the bag. You are a strong women and you will find a way to move on.

  Beth came back holding onto the large coach bag. She set it on the table in front of the couch, then sat down next to me. We both stared at it like it was going to move on its own. I’m not sure how long I sat there. Finally, Beth broke the silence, “Well, are you going to open it or do you want me too?”

  I looked at her and took a deep breath. Leaning over I unzipped the bag and spread it open. It looked to be clothes in the bag. My heart was beating out of my chest, as I started to pull things out. These were all new clothes. There was nothing in here that was mine. Beth’s mouth was agape, watching as I removed one expensive thing after another. Trying to lighten the mood she quickly said, “Well, if you need any money you could always sell these clothes. They’d bring in a pretty penny.” My eyes started to water again and she continued on. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Please, don’t cry.” I straightened my back and shook my head to clear my tears away. When did he have a chance to pack this, or buy all these new clothes? Coming to the bottom of the bag I was in shock, the iPad was in there. My mouth fell open, and Beth spoke the words that I couldn’t. “Holy shit, he gave you an iPad.”

  I knew this was the one I’d used when I was at his house. Without a word I got up, leaving Beth with unanswered questions, and walked to the spare room that I would be staying in. My heart was beating a million miles a minute, as I turned it on, and sat on the bed. Why was I so nervous? The telltale email arrival tone rang out. My heart was beating fast, and my hand trembled as I clicked mail icon. The top email was from him, Mr. Caston Black. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. How had he gotten under my skin so fast? I clicked the email.

  To: Sabrina Bennett

  Date: April 25, 2012

  From: Caston Black

  Subject: Please

  Sabrina

  As I watched you leave today I was at a loss for words. I feel like my heart has bee
n ripped out of my chest. I have fallen for you, Bre. Hard. I need you back in my life. My employees thought I was insane when I went into that room and started ripping pictures off the wall and tearing them up. I want you, and if you are not okay with being in my magazine, I am okay with that. I need you. Please, let me make this up to you. Please, let me try. I am not even sure where to start. I should have told you right away who I was and that I knew who you were. I never intended to meet you the way I did. It was supposed to happen 3 weeks from now, after my company sent you a formal letter asking for a meeting. I have never fallen so completely for anyone. You are special Sabrina. You are my other half. Please, give me a chance. It kills me that I no longer have your trust. I will spend my life making it up to you. I will give you all the time you need. Please, know you can ask me for anything, anytime.

  I love you, Sabrina.

  Caston

  To: Caston Black

  Date: April 25, 2012

  From: Sabrina Bennett

  Subject: re: Please

  Caston

  Please? Please, my ass. I trusted you. You knew everything about me already. What was the point? I still don’t see how you justify spying on people as okay. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, or trust you again. I need time. Lots of time. Please, don’t email me again. I will be returning all of the items to you. Please, send Terrance to pick them up. I don’t want them.

  Sabrina

  I quickly hit send before I could rethink what I wrote. No sooner did the email disappear panic washed over me. How could I have actually sent him such a nasty email? I really wanted to take him in my arms and tell him I would forgive him and that all would be okay.

  A light knock on my door pulled me out of my trance. Beth peeked in and saw my face. “What’s wrong, Bre?”

  “He sent me an email begging me to give him another chance. I replied to his email basically telling him to fuck off. What did I do?”

  She crouched down next to me and pulled me into a hug. “Everything will be okay. You’ll get another billionaire soon.”

  I hit her on the back. “Not funny, Beth,” I said, with a slight giggle.

  “Got you to smile and laugh, though. Didn’t I? Let’s get some ice cream, sit with the tub between us, and wallow over guys and how crappy they are.”

  I wiped at my eyes and nodded. I set the iPad down on the bed, and walked out of the room with Beth’s arm around me.

  “Looks like we both have guys to wallow over, huh?”

  She looks at me surprised.

  “I wasn’t really asleep. Sorry for eavesdropping.”

  Wrapping her arms around me she squeezed me hard.

  “Men just suck. Let’s go get that ice cream.”

  I just stood there in the doorway and watched her go. I stood there until the tail lights were not visible anymore. I felt hollow. Turning to walk back into the building, I raked my fingers through my hair, pulling hard. Suddenly, all the breath was taken from my lungs, like I was punched in the gut. I bent over, resting my elbows on my knees, and took gasping breaths. Rage was building up in me. How could I be so stupid to let her go? I stood up and punched the first picture to my left. It came crashing down in a waterfall of glass around my feet.

  I stormed down the hall and pulled out my phone to dial Terrance. “Terrance, please, tell me you are taking her to Beth’s apartment… Good. How is she? No, don’t answer that… Don’t forget about the bag in the back. Walk her to the door, and if she won’t let you, don’t leave until she is in the apartment. Thank you, Terrance.”

  I gripped the phone until I heard it start to crack. I could hear her in the background crying, it was awful. Looking around the room, I saw her beautiful face smiling back at me. It tore me apart. I started racing around the room turning over tables, ripping down pictures, throwing bulletin boards.

  A knock at the door pulled me out of my raged trance. “Hello?”

  “FUCK!” I screamed to no one in particular.

  The door cracked open and Luca my new intern said “Mr. Black, um, sir. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here. I heard the commotion as I, um, was coming to get things prepared to set up a…” He stopped when he saw the state of the room and his eyes immediately cast downward.

  “It’s okay, Luca. We are scrapping the Miss Bennett idea as my newest Sweetheart. Please, have someone come clear this room.”

  “Very well, sir,” Luca muttered, as he quickly turned and ran back down the hall.

  Damn, my hand hurt. I looked down at it, I was bleeding. Fuck. I wiped it on my shirt. So many thoughts were running through my head. I found my work laptop amongst the rubble of the office and quickly started writing to Sabrina. I have to get her back. I will do anything. I will do everything in my power to get her back.

  I sat, staring at my screen, willing a response to my email to come through. I know she has the iPad, because Terrance had come back to get me at Black Hollywood. I sat staring at the screen overnight. I was not even sure what time it was anymore, and still, nothing. I got up, and started pacing again. The room was still a mess, no one on my staff wanted to come in here to clear it while I was still here. I looked down and saw a picture of Sabrina. Her long brunette locks were cascading down her back, and she was looking at the camera, as if she knew someone was taking her picture. Her creamy white skin was flawless, her smile barely there, her hazel eyes looked sad, even though she had a smile on her face. I touched the picture. I wanted to feel her again. Hold her in my arms.

  I was ready to walk out of the room when my email pinged. I rushed over to the screen and looked at it. It was her. Quickly opening it, I read, and it felt like she ripped my heart out and stepped on it. I sat down at the desk and wept into my hands. I started typing my soul out to her. I have to get her to let me back in. Finally, I stopped and hit delete, she wanted time. I had to accept that. Looking down at the picture, I tucked it into my pocket, and headed out to the garage where Terrance was waiting.

  “Sir, the iPhone came in. Should I deliver it to her in the morning?”

  Looking up, I could see the pity in his eyes. He knew just as much as I did that she was a catch, and I had let her slip through my fingers.

  “Please.” I slid into the seat and laid my head back and closed my eyes, so I didn’t have to think. My mind had other plans though and ran away with ideas on getting her back.

  Beth was nice enough to let me stay in her apartment over spring break, the longest week of my life. Thankfully, it was rainy and gloomy, which reflected my mood perfectly. I slept for countless hours. The only time I got up was to go to keep my follow up appointment at the clinic from an earlier health problem. I didn’t eat, who knows how much weight I lost in five days? I was miserable. Why was I doing this to myself? It was my choice to be away from him.

  The doorbell rang twice every day while Beth was gone, but I didn’t want to answer it.

  I woke up on Monday to the sun shining. Any other day I would’ve been happy to see the sun, but not today. I still had nothing to be happy about. I had a massive headache, and I felt hung-over. Emotional hangovers are worse, I think. You cannot just get sick and make it go away. It stays with you.

  I laid on the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to will myself back to sleep. Last week I was in the arms of the perfect man, today I’m waking up alone. Was I stupid for leaving him? The same internal fight brewed in my head and heart again this morning, just as it had every day for the last week.

  I could hear Beth singing to the radio in the kitchen. I was thankful she was finally back. Like clockwork, the doorbell rang. I sat straight up in bed, with my eyes wide open. I nervously looked over at the bedroom door. Who was Beth talking too? I could hear her laughing and flirting. Ugh, the last thing I needed was to watch her and Broc be all lovey dovey. I sank back down in bed and pulled the covers over my head, trying to tune out any thoughts of love.

  No sooner did the covers reach my face when my do
or flung open. “Good morning! How’s my girl today? Did you miss me? I missed you! I wanted to talk to you last night when I got home, but you were already asleep,” Beth sang.

  I groaned, “Go away.”

  “Can’t. I’m under strict orders to give you this.”

  I knew she was holding something out in front of me, but I refused to look. “Whatever it is I don’t want it”.

  “Fuck that,” she said, as she plopped down next to me. “If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”

  She pulled the covers down and shoved a small box in my face. “What is it?”

  “Don’t know. Some guy named Terrance dropped it off. Um, you so need to introduce me. I’d love to get to know him better.”

  I glared at her like she had two heads. “Set it on the table and get out.”

  “Nope.” She said, bouncing on the bed. “I want to see what it is. Plus, I need to get you moving. You have got to go to school today.”

  I groaned. “I’m sure Professor Lee has already filed my expulsion papers.”

  I sat up and took the box from her. She smiled, and got up to walk out. “I’ll be leaving in a half hour, so get ready.”

  I stared at the box in my hands. In my heart I wanted to rip it open, but my head was telling me to throw it away. I took a deep breath, set it aside, and got up to shower. I hoped my extra shoes were still at school, since my dance bag was at Caston’s house. Tears started to well up, again, but I shook them off and got ready.

  When I was done I met Beth by the front door. She had a spring in her step and smiled when she saw me. “So glad you decided to come with me. It will be like old times, just you and me.”

  “Oh, sure. I don’t think so Beth, sorry.”